Acts of Service

If your partner’s primary love language is “acts of service,” this means that they feel most loved and appreciated when you show your love by doing meaningful things for them. The acts can vary depending on what your partner appreciates, and they can be large or small tokens of appreciation from cooking a meal, cleaning the house, running errands, taking the car to the mechanic, taking care of pets, and more.

If your love language differs from your partner’s, you may experience miscommunications if your partner is attempting to show love in the ways they know how and vice versa, but you don’t recognize each other’s signs because you are looking for love expressed in your love language. It can be important to talk to your partner about what makes you feel most loved and to inquire about what makes your partner feel loved (quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, receiving gifts, or acts of service). You can learn to speak each other’s love languages by making an effort to show caring in the ways that they need.

Some tips if your partner’s love language is acts of service:

Notice what your partner spends time on and keep an eye out for things that they don’t seem to enjoy doing or are frustrated by. These might be good opportunities to serve them by taking things off their plate (for example, fixing something around the house, paying bills, filling the gas tank in their car for them when you notice it’s running low, walking the dog). Your partner may appreciate you noticing these things proactively, as it shows that you’re attentive to their needs and want to help them however you can.

Try to do one small thing for your partner per day or one bigger thing for your partner per week. This can be as simple as making them a cup of coffee. 

Focus on your strengths. There are probably many areas in which your skills and strengths and your partner’s are complementary. Help your partner out by doing things you’re good at, such as fixing their computer issues if you’re tech savvy.

If they want to do something themselves, let them, and if they don’t want something to be done, don’t do it. Acts of service are a way to give generously, not to substitute your judgment for your partner’s about what needs to be done, when, and how.