The New Normal: Navigating a Changed World

Suraji Wagage, PhD, JD

If you are like many of us, your past year — the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, quarantines, and shutdowns — may have been chaotic, confusing, traumatic, lonely, sad, anxiety-provoking, and more. The COVID-19 pandemic has been and continues to be a collective global trauma on a scale that humanity has rarely experienced.

Now, you and others you know may have been vaccinated or are planning to be vaccinated soon. Your community may be loosening or doing away with restrictions, and the CDC’s mask-wearing guidelines have changed. You may be doing things you have not done in over a year. As a worldwide community, we understand coronavirus/COVID-19 from medical and scientific standpoints much better than we did a year ago. But what about the emotional consequences of this strange time? Those are not yet well understood. How do we pick up the pieces and move forward in this different world? There are no right or wrong answers to this question, but psychology can offer some suggestions.

• Let yourself grieve if needed.

  You may have lost friends, family, or other loved ones: an unimaginable loss. You may have lost the opportunity to celebrate milestones like graduations, weddings, and birthdays. You may have lost your job, a romantic relationship, or other meaningful parts of your life. You may have lost time to move toward your goals or spend with the people you care about.

  These losses are all important and worthy of recognition. We do not often acknowledge that the loss of time, opportunities, or a future we were imagining can lead to feelings of sadness or grief. As for how you should grieve, there is no standard: everyone experiences these feelings differently. However, recognizing your emotions and understanding that it makes sense to feel them is a good start. You can also reflect on or write down what you lost in the past year, making space for whatever emotions arise. If you have lost loved ones, when or if you are ready, you may consider writing letters to them expressing what they meant to you or creating a memory book or box with photos and reminders of your relationship.

• Recognize if you are feeling guilty about your emotions.

  Some people have expressed thoughts such as “I haven’t suffered as much as others have, so I shouldn’t feel this way,” “I shouldn’t complain,” or “I don’t want to wallow.” There is a difference between feeling the emotions you feel and complaining or wallowing. The more we deny and try to push away our emotions, the more they tend to intensify. We also often compare ourselves to others, and may feel we’re not entitled to our emotions if others have “had it worse.” Your emotions are valid and others’ pain does not negate yours.

  Alternately, you may even feel guilty for not feeling worse! If you feel happy about things that happened in your life in the past year, that is okay too. There is no right way to feel. You can recognize that this has been a difficult time and still experience positive emotions.

• Show yourself compassion.

  The longer we remain isolated, the more we forget that we are all connected and we are all experiencing many of the same feelings. Isolation can intensify our tendency to believe that we are alone in feeling unhappy or anxious. Remember that we are all in the same boat and that others feel the way you do.

  Also, the less we speak to others, the less we see from others’ perspectives. For some of us, our friends’ compassion helps to balance out our own self-criticism. You can practice self-compassion by imagining what a friend would say to you in a difficult situation or what you would say to a loved one in a similar situation, and then saying the same things to yourself.

  Finally, you may feel unexpected or confusing emotions. You may find that as you resume social and other activities, you do not feel as happy as you thought you would. You may feel unexpectedly sad. For example, seeing friends whose lives have changed may make you realize you have lost time together. Or you may feel overwhelmed doing things that felt ordinary before, like going to a restaurant or traveling out of town. Practice acknowledging and feeling these emotions. It makes sense to feel uncertain, overwhelmed, and maybe sad as you begin to do things you have not done in a long time.

• Practice resilience.

  It is possible for tragedies to bring to light inner strengths or have unexpected silver linings, even in the midst of grief or pain. Over the past year, you may have noticed that the pace of your life slowed down or that you were able to spend more time with your children or spouse. You may have noticed positive qualities in yourself or others that you had not noticed before. You may have taken up new hobbies or completed projects that you did not have time for before, or you may have stepped away from a time-consuming commute. You may have become more aware of the things that matter most to you in life. You may have developed a greater appreciation for things you once took for granted, such as traveling or getting together with friends and family.

  You do not need to push yourself to look for positives if you are just coming to terms with your feelings of sadness and loss. Practicing resilience is not meant to deny those feelings, but to acknowledge additional parts of the picture and, eventually, come to a balanced perspective. Take as long as you need. When you are ready, consider reflecting on or writing down anything you gained in the past year, no matter how small it may seem.

If you notice you are having lasting difficulties with sadness or anxiety or having a hard time doing your usual activities, consider starting therapy.